How can living the dream be so hard?

The view from our apartment on Christmas Day

It was a tiring semester and it took time to recuperate. Getting my brain to slow down from the million mile an hour swirl had been necessary if a little melancholy. Half of me wanted to be with the grandkids in their various locations - not that this was actually possible (see below) and half of me just wanted peace and quiet and rest. I got the peace and quiet and my brain feels a lot less frazzled. The downside or upside to a less frazzled brain is actually time to think. I'm not sure that is always a good thing, you should ask Ian. "I've had an idea" is not his most favourite phrase.

The boys! There is a hint of spring in the air. Over
winter they are very placid - well most of the time.
As spring starts to arrive, they start to jostle each
other a bit, with some major disagreements from 
time to time. 

Karla, you are supposed to eat the hay, not wear it

Yes Freddie, it looked like someone stole the
snow

We are living our dreams and yet our dreams are not quite how we imagined them would be. I dreamed I would have a new project, a new baby and I would be called Doctor. That all happened and being in the right place at the right time with the right skill set needed (or at least some of them anyway) I ended up getting promoted to Head of the Masters Programmes for our department. It is all a bit bewildering at times if I actually stop to think of what has happened over the last few years. It's hard to believe that this is actually the first "proper" full-time job I've ever had. 

After all the snow we had in December, this was
a bit unexpected for the 1st January. It didn't
last though and our snow came back.

Don't blame you Freddie. It will be nice and 
warm by the side of the alpaca house in the 
sun.

Brencis is a handsome chap, very curious and very
greedy. Love him anyway!

That's not to say I haven't done stuff, that's how I ended up with most of the skills I've needed. I've done leadership training, counselling training, home educated my kids, tutored kids online, headed up Sunday Schools, moved countries and dealt with taxes (try sitting down to a 100 page form to update a tax consultant on the current state of finances going back over 20 years if I remember rightly - that's the land of the free for you). I've organised craft projects to keep 1500 kids entertained and educated over a three week period and craft workshops for about a dozen adults on a weekly basis. I've taken creative embroidery classes to expand on what I had learnt from my mother and grandmothers. I've done flower arrangements for my daughter's and my sister's weddings.  That's a fairly random list of things I've done, but in all that time, I've never had a full-time job. Actually not sure I had the time for one.

Hard to think of Venessa here, squinting in the
bright winter sunshine, is Brencis' half sister. She 
was one of the earliest of Veronica's offspring and
Brencis was her last. Veronica is no longer with
us, but she would have been 19 this year.

Has someone been eating the snow, Norman?

We had to look back to see if Chanel had such
tight curls when we got her - apparently not. 
She had slightly curlier hair than her daughter
but not much, but over the years the curls have
got tighter and tighter. No idea who the
hairdresser is.

What else didn't I expect about living the dream? It's hard! I wonder if I thought once I got there it would all be plain sailing and not the start of another epic journey. I never thought that being called a doctor would involve me working in another country to the one I live in. I suppose it didn't even cross my mind that I would be leaving Ian for a week at a time once a month to do that either. Thank goodness for the internet though and online conference software.

Our cats have a job to do catching moles. Ian saw
GT sat by a big molehill today, so there's hope. 
Meanwhile they continue to act as our drainage
managers and have intentions of an extensive
network this year. Absolute pain.

The soft winter has also meant
more unwelcome visitors - wild boar.
They make a huge mess in a 
very short space of time. 

Marvin out for a stroll with his mum, with Aggie
following behind.

When I was a stay-at-home mum, honing my negotiating skills - sorry kids you were the guinea pigs but I did learn a lot from you - I tried to live by the phrase of "the best ability is availability". Now I have to think in terms of my availability to who? How do I divide up that time? How do we make this work without it dissolving into a nightmare where no one wins. How do I prioritise my time when I have a full-time job, we have a farm and I need to learn Latvian. Why am I doing a blog anyway when I have so many other things I could be doing?

Norm enjoying a Christmas tree. Plenty of 
vitamins there.

More sunbathing! This time it's Karla

There seems to be a lot of sunbathing going on
here. You wouldn't think it was in the minuses.
Having said that, it can be glorious at -10C
when the sun is out in January/February.

Well the last one is easy. I do like to write. I do like to create with words too. It helps us remember, it helps us to leave a trail of where we've been and what we've done that I hope our grandkids can read some day. A friend of mine had a wise friend of hers who said, "Never move to be near to the kids" - did she not like them or something? No! She went on to say, "They'll move anyway" and it's probably true. I would have to find a job nearby, we both would actually in order to afford to live there. My skills might still be useful, but not necessarily in the right place at the right time and that could be more difficult to get employment somewhere else. We would settle down and then the kids might move. 

Last year, Marv needed a neck brace, now he's 
wearing his own fluffy neck warmer.

Only rolling in the snow mum. Honest!

The view from the summerhouse
over the garden. The bumps are
not huge moles but where Ian has
been dumping the alpaca manure
over winter, ready for the 
potatoes in spring. Fortunately
it is not as strong as cow and horse
manure.

So we try to adjust to this new reality that has only been a reality for the last few years. We try to find a new rhythm - even though the rhythm feels a little out of kilter at the moment as we adjust. Changes still need to happen, family needs to be connected to, new global realities need to be adjusted to as well. New friendships, new patterns of learning and a sense of trying to release the next generation to be who they need to be and given the space in which to do that. 

We don't need those fancy Christmas lights, we
have the real thing - real icicles.

Chanel's daughter, Ilvija - not rocking a perm.

Arrrh! The signs of spring! Evidence that the 
electric company are going to work on new
electric lines. Yey! 

The reason we, or should I say I, couldn't join the kids was because it took so long for my passport to get to the UK. I knew I would have to get it renewed early so that it didn't affect my residency. I needed at least three months on it, prior to the ten year term. I sent it off mid-November but it only arrived just before Christmas at the passport office and fortunately was processed pretty quickly just after Christmas - it took 6 weeks and 2 days from posting it to getting it back. Good job I hadn't booked to go at Christmas time. We hope to go later on this year for a family reunion though.

Yes boys! It's just a little pussycat 

See! Only Rocket Ron.

Yes the snow is cold on the paws, but it's your
choice to be out in it.

January wasn't as relaxed as I thought it would be with staff development days, preparations for the new semester and assessing work from the last semester. I also marked the last set of exams for an organisation I've been with since the late 90s in various capacities, first as a home educating mum, then a net nanny moderating their student cafe and finally a sociology tutor. The extra workload I have now has meant it wasn't feasible to continue and I let them know last year that I would be leaving once the current students had finished - I couldn't leave them mid-course. So that chapter closes, but I'm grateful for all it taught me. I often roll my eyes when people get on about the problems of online learning when I've taught students in countries as far as Brazil, Bangladesh and even the UK, from my little caravan in the middle of a field in Latvia. It taught me how to work online too and that's how I got my Masters. So I know that while online learning has its challenges, it is also full of possibilities. So when a student finally emails me to tell me they are actually not around because she is studying and travelling somewhere sunny, who am I to complain! I merely told her thanks for letting me know and gave her tasks she could do and still travel. It worked!

Oh right! So now you are sunbathing in it!

Lolly in the snow. Looks like one of those 3D pics

Our little summer house. Ian uses the small
bedroom so he doesn't use as much energy to 
heat the whole house. Since he's only there
during the day, that works.

So I have my intense weeks at work, in a physical office, and my down days at home working quietly away from the buzz. Both have their pluses. I get to meet my friend who I stay with, my colleagues who I also can call friends and my students who encourage me that there are young people today who have so much to give. I then get my quiet time at home too, not with the alpacas so much during the winter time, as I spend a lot of time in the apartment. Soon enough though it will be time to transition to my summer home and get used to living, not in a caravan this year, but our little wooden cabin. Meanwhile the snow still lies on the ground and the days gently tick by to the gentle rhythm of my old grandfather clock. Tick! Tock!

GT and Betty practising for the next winter olympics

Jumping about because she has decided the snow
is not so nice to be in after all

We had some serious ice rain this year and the 
trees were covered in thick ice, here it's not
so thick.

Ilvija with her son, Norman.

Either looks like someone's been playing or lots
of little snow Buddha's

The skies are often dramatic at this time of the year

Well there had been some pumpkin seeds drying, but
we apparently had a mouse. It must have succumbed 
to something, as we have had no evidence of one 
since.

Wintry skies from our apartment

No I'm not going across that to my car. I'd be flat
on my back. I'm not really good on ice. Fortunately, 
I haven't had to resort to the ice grips often this
winter.

Well how else do you wind up a ball of wool?

Winter happened

The rodent control crew. Betty has settled in
well with the boys (castrated, don't worry,
no little kittens from our cats, there are always
plenty more if we needed any)

Oh dear! I think I get later and later with my blogs. There are times I think of finishing but it is our diary to some extent.Ian's photos are the ones that pepper the page and liven up the text. My words are what stitches it together. Maybe in years to come our grandkids will read it and know what we were up to. 

The changing face of winter

A new fence ready for when Marvin and Norman
need to be moved away from their Mums. The new
fence is a job that would have been better done
before winter but at least those poles went in.

I looked back at the blog from last month and the scenery is so different now. Winter just about caught us out this year. It had been so warm that we weren't really expecting such a sudden drop in temperatures. The snow wasn't particularly early, we have had snow earlier in the year before, but this snow was different, as it is still hanging around but only just as it has begun to thaw a bit this last week. There have been many years when early snow meant waiting for a thaw and then a mad dash around to finish off pre-winter jobs. Not so much this year, at least not yet, although the blanket of snow did at least mean the ground was soft and not frozen hard so that Ian was able to put some fence posts in and remove some electric fencing poles shortly after it snowed.

The greenhouse is showing signs of age now but
been up over 10 years now

Trying to keep the weight of snow against the side
down means clearing a path to put the snow into.

I don't fancy those grapes now. A bit past their best

Repairs on the repairs. I think the plastic is now 
held together by an intricate web of greenhouse tape.

Looking rather worse for wear and very frozen.
This was partly because Ian was using it and so
had the heater on inside. It wasn't helping.

Our old caravan ended up staying outside, partly because the greenhouse needs some repairs and partly because the ground has been so soft anyway it couldn't be moved to a more sheltered position. Unfortunately it isn't holding up well and cushions froze to the outer wall. With the recent above freezing temperatures, Ian managed to prise off the cushions and bring them back to our apartment. We moved back at the beginning of December into our winter lodgings. It was kind of nice this year to be resident during the day in one caravan and sleep in the other. No making up the bed every night like we used to. It also meant that we could put an electric blanket on to heat up while we sat in the other caravan. It was kind of odd though to lock up one caravan and then move by torchlight to the other one at night. I know! I know! We are kind of odd anyway.

Outside our apartment

Have the girls been having snowball fights?

The hardest part of that kind of lifestyle though was the long evenings in a small space and the difficulties in preparing an evening meal in the dark, cold greenhouse or the cramped caravan. Neither solution was ideal. Other issues of caravan living are bearable to me and compensated by being outdoors more. It forces me out rather than kind of snuggling up in an apartment, which is what I kind of do in winter, at least while I'm in Latvia that is, but I'll get to that. It's a shame the summer house wasn't ready to live in properly but maybe next year!

Early on, 23rd November

8th December the first of the heavy snow 

The day after 

Spot the room that Ian uses. Insulation is the next 
job, at least that room anyway.

So what is this white stuff? Is it safe?

So the routines are all different now. Ian leaves to go out to the land to see to the animals and I stay in bed to read a little longer unless I have a Latvian lesson, in which case I have to be up and sensible by 8am. So, no chickens to feed for me until spring. First thing in the morning I sometimes heat up the small office room with a heater and sometimes I just use a blanket to stay warm enough until mid-afternoon when I light the fire for our central heating. I will also often prepare the evening meal at that point and compensate my time of work by working a little later into the evening. It's a more comfortable routine than in the caravan. It feels kind of strange to turn on a tap and, shock, hot water! A luxury that we often take for granted these days.

I love the muted tones in this one on a cold frosty morning

Ian's car can be a bit temperamental these days, 
but it is nearly 15 years old and handled the
Latvian dirt roads well in that time.

I've been up to Estonia twice since I last blogged. It's a very different routine with my new work responsibilities and I'm very grateful to my friend for letting me stay at her place while I'm there. So much easier and one less thing to worry about. While I'm up in Estonia, I make sure I'm available for staff to talk and just try to find out what is going on to help me plan proposed changes to our programmes for next year. It can be quite emotional as we learn to relate to each other after the isolating times of COVID. On the subject of COVID I've managed to dodge that fortunately and students seem pretty good at staying away if they are not well. But then again, they don't have to miss out these days, we just use conference software and they can join in too. 

Good job I got in before the snow then. 
I parked up at the university in the
staff car park and then walked to my
friend's house. It's a pleasant 20 minute
walk - well usually. Not looking forward
to it if it is icy next time.

The two wheel tractor sees a lot of use. Cuts grass
in summer and as a snow plough in winter.

The last time I went up to Estonia I had to time it due to an expected heavy dumping of snow with high winds. In the end it wasn't as bad as forecast but it could have been nasty. Ian stayed out on the land because sometimes his car doesn't start in bad weather and even if I had been around my car wouldn't['t make it out in a large dumping of snow. My car is to get me to Estonia and back not trek out to the land and back all the time. I do have new winter tyres on though. 

Some days it's best just to stay in

But then again!

An unexpected visitor

The university environment has of course changed a lot over the last few years. The recent pandemic has opened up new possibilities of hybrid working that not everyone is comfortable with but know how to use. Students have changed, the economy has changed, staff have changed, new staff have joined, others gone on maternity leave. So much upheaval in such a short space of time. Navigating through all of that and yet ensuring a good quality of education is going to be a challenge, but then again, I get bored without a challenge and I'm comfortable with change. At the moment though I feel like I'm clearing a path through the rubble to try and see a way forward. The early January period will be a time when I get the chance to reflect more on what I've gleaned over the last few months. 

See Norman, the snow's not that bad

Norman's dad, George

Freddie, is back to his sweet self now. Sadly he had
to be castrated to calm him down, but at least it
worked.

Marvin has been causing us some concern. He
was feeling the cold and seemed to be losing 
energy. We are now beginning to suspect he
didn't get the point of hay. As the grass died off
he relied more on his mother's milk and wasn't
eating the hay. He does now and has been put
on extra feeds of lucerne to build him up. 

I'm looking forward to a little more thinking space this next semester. One of the projects I was working on is nearly finished finally with the publication of a draft report, this is out for people to comment on. There will be a final tweaking of the text for the finished product - or at least that's what we hope for, but then that will truly be the end of that. I was also teaching a brand new course to bachelor students last semester. Previously I was just teaching master students and that was mainly using material already written by a colleague. The new course has been a learning curve, but I think it went okay from what I understand. Coming across as a motherly/granny type has its advantages sometimes. If there is one thing I've learnt over the years is to give good feedback. I prefer that approach anyway to presenting myself as the font of all knowledge. I might know a little about a lot due to my research interests but I most certainly do not know everything and would rather students find out for themselves with some guidance. It seems to work anyway. I've been very pleased with the work that I've got back from the students so far.

Marvin and his mum, Amanda

Enough energy now for a roll around, he's also
got a taste for Christmas trees

Norman and his mum, Ilvija

Josefs

We don't plan on going anywhere at Christmas because of our animals, which does limit us to some extent, which is a good job because I needed to renew my passport and it took five weeks to get to the passport office in the UK. I was shocked though to find that they then processed my passport within two days of telling me they had my old passport. It is a good job I have residency in two countries that are side by side and so I can still travel to work and back. It would have been difficult if I hadn't. Now I have to wait for the passport to be couriered to me - whenever that will be! Let's hope it's not another five weeks. What tales could my passports tell me, if they could speak?

Who says that winter lacks colour?

Lolly

So here we are on Christmas Eve, snug in our apartment. Ian is processing Lolly's fleece (first year fleeces are not great for mill processing and so it will be done by Ian). The Christmas tree is up - only just though -because that is what we normally do and Ian only cut the tree from our land this morning and I'm finally writing this blog. So on that note, I just want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and may the next year be more peaceful than the last. 

The boys, Jakobs and Freddie enjoying their early
Christmas treat.

Lolly does like to sit outside, even in winter. 
Sometimes its because others don't let her in 
and sometimes because she wants to

Pathways on the land

Mysterious, frosted trees

Colours return as the snow melts. Still a long way to go before we are certain winter is over though

Rocket Ron on his travels with Ian to pick a 
Christmas Tree

I think the snow was kind of cold

Our ski hill, not that we do any skiing on it and the
lights have nearly all fallen down now. 

Father and son, Tellus at the back and Brencis
at the front

Aggie's eye is looking better again but it does seem
that steroid drops are the answer.